Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
