I heard we made out
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
