You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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