Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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