You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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