What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
