So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have tasted many bathrooms
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
