We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
