I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
