The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
