drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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