Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
smell my finger.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
