My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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