My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
