While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
