Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
