i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
