I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
