she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
