No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
