You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
