Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
