I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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