i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
