I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Alive.
So much puke
Can you bring me the toilet please
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
