I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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