I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
