Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
