I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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