I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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