It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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