You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
