I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
