Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
