I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
