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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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