just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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