so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
