The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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