Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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