I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
