Me. At least after what I've been through.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
