Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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