ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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