Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
