NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
