Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
