Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
