a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
