I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
