Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
