just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
