you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
