my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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