she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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